she keeps her love away

It seems like things really do always come in bunches. Bad things or feelings in particular. Why is that? On a purely material front, there's been my cable which I thought I'd simply suspended for a month, but apparently I disconnected it. It's all set to go again...I just have to wait until Saturday for the guy to come out and basically screw my apartment's cable into the main source. Like that will take so long they couldn't squeeze it in as a "repair". My fan broke...I've got a window A/C unit, but that's in the living room and I have had the fan in the bedroom. So far I'm ok, but if it gets really hot... And then my DVD player just stopped working (which made life with no cable hellacious). In that case I've got a friend who is moving and getting rid of a ton of stuff and gave me hers.

See, the material stuff is usually pretty easily remedied.

It's the psychological and spiritual stuff that's not so easily fixed. Especially when places that have been safe havens feel like they've been invaded. Once that invasion happens, it's hard to really feel safe in those places again. This has happened in the past couple of weeks with two places that have been safe havens of sanctuary for me. I'm using the definition of "a place of refuge, asylum" for sanctuary here, though the definition of a place of worship can also apply to both situations ~ one more literally than the other ~ but let's go with the place of refuge.

(I should probably give you some background... Several years ago, I'd taken my sister to see Jurassic Park at the $1.50 theatre. I'd gone there several times by myself and never had an issue with being bothered. Of course I hadn't been at night. This night, we encountered these three guys "leaving" as we were going in. When the movie had started, I heard the door open, and these three guys came in and sat next to us, giving us these looks that only accentuated the "We're gonna fuck these bitches up" sense I'd gotten from their leers as we passed them in the hall. My sister and I moved down to sit closer to some families when the guys got up and left ~ I wasn't going to be stupid enough to leave to get the manager right then. We did go a few minutes later, and the manager was great ~ letting us call our parents so they knew we were coming home and watching us to make sure we weren't followed out of the lot. We got home alright, but it was a LONG time before either of us was comfortable setting foot in a movie theatre again.)

Now, back to the present...

The most recent one happened this morning at church. There was a guy I'd never seen before sitting in my usual seat, so I sat in the row behind him with a friend (and we were joined by another friend). This guy was pretty lost for much of the service, but he kept turning around (ew!) and staring at me. As soon as the organist finished the postlude, he turned around and the first words out of his mouth were "You're a really nice girl. Do you have a boyfriend?" Um, EW! Creepy much? I managed to get over my shock enough to say "I don't do guys." I looked around, but my friends were all scattered doing other things. AARGH! I gathered my stuff and headed towards the back/buried my head in my cell phone. I don't know all that he said but I did catch "Oh...you're really nice...I like you..."

NO! This is NOT why I go to church. Even if I was straight, I am NOT going to respond to that kind of come on. Especially immediately following the worship service in a place that is sacred to me! That is a massive violation. I know it's not the church's fault this creepo was in there, but I'm not sure how comfortable I'm going to be going back there any time soon. I know I'm out next Sunday...but I don't know if I'm going to be comfortable going back again for a while. There's welcoming and then there's taking "welcoming" too far.

The other thing is more complicated, and probably won't make a lot of sense. But sometimes puzzling things out in words helps me out, so bear with me.

There's this show I love, I'm not naming it since I'm not sure if these entries show up in things like google searches yet. I've been following it since its days at an off-Broadway theater company. It's very emotional, and it's a tough subject that it deals with, but the show has been my safe haven, my place to run when I needed somewhere I could safely deal with emotions and struggles. I've gotten to know the cast to the point where some of them call me a friend. It's moved to Broadway, and so far, it's still been able to be a safe place for me emotionally. But that's potentially on the verge of changing because of the behavior of a few.

There are fangirls for all shows, but this show has now gotten some doozies. Things are completely out of control with some fans and one of the actors to the point that I know of several people who either were thinking about going to the show but have been scared off by them and their silliness or people who have loved the show and are turning away now because of the silliness. The worst part is there are a fw girls who claim to love the show so much, yet I know from people I trust that they have rushed the show to sit in the front row and then proceed to spend the show talking and laughing. This ruined the viewing of the show for these people I heard it from, and they were repeat viewers ~ they actually left the theater in tears not because of the power of the show as usually happens but because these alleged fans had carried on to the point that it ruined the show for them. I can only imagine how horrible it must have been for first-timers to experience that level of rudeness and disrespect for the performers and the piece by so-called "superfans".

Don't get me wrong, I totally understand getting attached to a show and loving it. I've become attached to this one and love it and the cast so much. But I respect it enough to fully experience it each time and not to apparently think that because I've seen it before and the cast knows me I have the "right" to act up. Just the opposite ~ because of that I feel a responsibility to behave with the respect the show and the actors deserve. Do they not get how disrespectful they're being when they do that? Anywhere in the theater, but specially in the very front row?

I have plans to go and see the show again soon for a special event, and I am actually terrified that these idiots are going to show up and completely ruin it for me with their lewd behavior. I will be very hard pressed not to look at the actors on stage, apologize to them, and then yell at these girls. And I don't WANT to have to do that. I shouldn't have to do that. First off, they should know better if they're such big theater people. But second...and this is where I really am getting frustrated...they think they're so in with one of the cast members, yet this cast member won't say anything to them about their behavior for fear of turning people off. Yet, people ARE GETTING TURNED OFF by this. I don't think these girls get it... They seem to want it to be all theirs, yet if it does become ALL theirs, the show WILL close because no one else will be going and two or three people don't keep a show afloat. Do they not get that they are potentially killing it?

I'm not even going to go into the non-stage side of it because it's all silliness and should have been nipped in the bud, but see the last part of the above paragraph.

I haven't even responded to anything there lately. It's just... I don't know...

It's really heartbreaking to watch something that's been so wonderful and has the potential to be wonderful for so many more potentially being ruined because of childish silliness.

So... I haven't really answered the question implied in the title... I'm not sure I have an answer...

Where DO you go when the places you've turned to for sanctuary don't feel safe anymore?

Sometimes things just happen. Like life. But I'm still here.

Biggest thing to report happened last Sunday!!

Yeah, so I just looked at the calendar. Oops. Big time fail! So...let's see what all has happened...

ALICE RIPLEY WON THE TONY!!!!! I am so happy for and proud of her!! She totally deserved it! The show won Score and Orchestrations as well. I wish the voters had had the balls to go against the "machine" and vote for a NEW (as in not 5 years old and at least the third mounting of it), ORIGINAL (as in not taken from a movie...specifically written by the guy who wrote the movie script and directed by the guy who directed the movie), AMERICAN (as in not imported from England or anywhere else) musical. But I can deal. ALICE WON THE TONY!!

I was with friends at a Tony Party, and I was shaking and crying ~ it was unreal. I figured I would be losing it when I was shaking when Tom and Brian beat Elton John (and the Billy Elliot juggernaut) for Best Score. And I figured right.

I was supposed to see the show on Tuesday, but Alice was out. So hello refund. Well, my preference was (and the house manager said it was possible) a straight exchange. But the box office guys thought they knew better. AARGH!! Thankfully a wonderful friend got me a ticket for Wednesday, so I WAS at Alice's first show after winning the Tony. The crowd was electric as were the performances, but not nearly what I'm sure it would have been had she been in on Tuesday. Still. YAY! Also the new Gabe (Kyle Dean Massey) is very good. I LOVED the sort of apprehensive mood that was present in "I Dreamed A Dance" with him...though I understand from Sharon it wasn't as much evident last night. Which...I guess that's an "if I ran the world" thing...I like it with Diana being a lot more apprehensive than the potentially squicky borderline romantic feel it usually has. Anyway...it definitely doesn't ruin my experience.

So that's the biggest news really to report right now. I'll get back to my thoughtful posts later.

I just got in a little while ago from the Prop 8 Protest/Marriage Equality Rally in NYC. I've got to say, even though I've been to a couple of these things, this one was special. We met near the Stonewall Inn and started up with chants and stuff, then we walked up to Union Square for the rally. I'm not sure how many people ended up there ~ I'm pretty sure people joined us as we marched. It was kind of goose-bump inducing being part of that.

At Union Square, we had several speakers ~ some talking about the California Supreme Court's decision, others talking about the push for Marriage Equality in New York. In New York, the bill has passed the State Assembly. We have until the end of June for it to pass the State Senate. And according to people who have been up there lobbying state senators, they have never seen so many undecided Republicans. And people are going all the time to talk with their senators. Someone even gave up her seat today to accommodate some from the at least 10 same sex couples there to talk with their Republican state senator.

My state senator is supportive and pro the bill. I'm still calling her to thank her and ask that she get it to the State Senate floor. The goal in all of this contact is to make it well nigh impossible for them to get ANYTHING done until this issue is passed and signed.

The bottom line is, what we're asking for is CIVIL MARRIAGE! The bill in no way forces ANYONE to perform marriage in a religious ceremony. Truly, as someone said at the Broadway Impact rally a couple of weeks ago, no gay or lesbian couple is going to go to a clergy person who is unsupportive and ask them to perform the ceremony. They will either go strictly the civil route or they will go to a member of the clergy who IS supportive. But those who want to use religion as an excuse don't see it that way. Yet...by denying this opportunity for committed people who love each other to live out that love in a marriage, as the rabbi who spoke today said, "In refusing us a chance to express and live out our love, they are blaspheming God. They are making themselves bigots." Not that they see it that way.

Two of the speakers today married their partners in California, and so at least are still married. As they spoke, particularly the second, they spoke of this opportunity to publicly make that commitment in front of their families ~ families who may not have dreamed of that day in that way... And I was reminded of the story I've heard for as long as I can remember...

The morning after I was born, my dad went into my mom's hospital room and told her he had dreamed of walking me down the aisle at my wedding. (My mom's response was "LET HER BE A BABY!") All my life ~ well, before I came out to myself and then to my family ~ I would watch my dad's face whenever we went into a church to see if any flash of recognition flashed across his face. I used to ask him what "the guy" looked like, but he could never tell me. Was that some kind of a sign? I don't know. It didn't really occur to me at first that anything was weird about that. Then I came out ~ thankfully to an extremely supportive family who has embraced me from the start (ok...ONE aunt and uncle and their kids are basically silent on the subject, but we expected that). I'm fortunate in that I have a family who is willing to stand up for my rights. And while I may not have anyone in my life right now, I hope and pray that one day, my dad's dream can come true and he CAN indeed walk me down the aisle ~ or at least be present at my wedding.

Another speaker today pointed out that historically, every setback with Civil Rights issues has been followed shortly by a victory. Hopefully the California Supreme Court's heartbreaking decision on Prop 8 will soon be followed by a bill becoming law in New York, and Civil Marriage Equality will be a reality in another state.

Dear God, let it be so! Let it be so!

More songs from the "give me a letter, I'll give you 5 songs" meme.

musicnsduetbest gave me "D".

Down At The Twist And Shout ~ Mary Chapin Carpenter
LOVE!!!! :)

Days from Little Fish
You know...I'm not going to specify things since they will all say LOVE!!

Don't Rain On My Parade ~ Alice Ripley @ The After Party

Dear Jane ~ Alice Ripley @ Millennium Stage at the Kennedy Center

Drive ~ Alice Ripley
One of my all-time favorite songs by Alice. :)

If you've forgotten, it's here.

So I was talking with someone else who knows the person who told me that ("I don't know how to love; I'm learning how from watching you." ~ it was something like that or the way I put it in the other entry...frankly I was so stunned by it I don't remember exactly), and the consensus was this...

I do wear my heart on my sleeve and tend to just be open, free about letting my emotions show and talking about how I feel. It's just me, who I am and how I am. Not so guarded.

And we think that that is the angle our friend meant when she said that. Learning how to be more open and just THERE with emotions and love and stuff. Because our friend DOES clearly know how to love... It's complicated.

I'm still floored that she said that to me... Like, I admire her so much for so many things, and she's admiring something about me? It's kind of mind blowing.

Granted, being so open isn't necessarily the best way to be either. I've opened myself up to be hurt far too many times. I trust too quickly and too easily. And that's come back to bite me in the ass. Badly in some cases. And sometimes over and over again. I should learn, but I am one of those who always wants to see the best in people and write the worst off as something that's not that bad.

I guess maybe my friend and I should learn from each other...I can teach her to be more open and she can teach me to guard my heart a little more than I do. Sort of a mutual exchange of life lessons, you know.

I don't know... Maybe...

...I'm learning how to love from watching you."

A friend of mine said that to me last night ~ or something along those lines. Rendered me absolutely speechless. Seriously, how do you respond to something like that?

I'm still trying to figure out completely what she meant by that. I mean, she DOES know how to love. She and her husband are about as cute as they can be and clearly love each other. He's such a sweetheart, incidentally. He's my new "big brother" and it's fun having one after all these years.

I know she meant it as a compliment. And it is. It just made me think...

How do we learn to love? I know I got lucky. I did sort of win the "good family" lottery in what I have. My parents have been married for almost 41 years. I've got a younger sister who I love now ~ it took a while for us to get there, but we made it. We've never really had any major problems. So I don't really know how else to exist.

Maybe that's part of what my friend meant... I know our backgrounds are really different. REALLY different. But somehow that doesn't stand in our way of being friends. It's like it doesn't really matter...we work through it. I think she's learned a lot from her husband too...I don't know him as well, but I get the impression my background is closer to his.

Or maybe it's how I've handled a potentially, well not potentially, a very sticky situation with someone else. The way she put it a few weeks ago when things were really difficult was "You don't have to apologize. We're all learning how to be in this crazy mixed-up family we have here."

I don't know... But it made me think in a good way. I'll probably come back to it at some point when my brain and my heart have worked through it a little more.

I know I love my friends and they love me. And sometimes that's all that really matters in the end.

I never realized what I had to
fight for
And protect
The only way to live beyond
our lives
Is to connect
And carve ourselves into the souls
Of those we love...
(from "Revelations" from Little Fish by Michael John LaChiusa)

It's funny how things connect and weave together sometimes. I guess sometimes god does move in mysterious ways. Or maybe all the time... I don't know.

I got up this morning and headed to my Episcopal church in Manhattan. I sort of inadvertently gave up church for Lent. One thing led to another and then I had stuff going on until the last couple of Sundays in Lent, and so it just seemed easier to wait until Easter. In some weird way in my head it made sense.

And it really did make the Easter Vigil special for me. I can't really explain it, but it did. I wasn't there last week as my family was in town and getting ready to leave, but I definitely wanted to be there today. Which is new for me lately. And...

Well, I guess I should explain this whole me and church and god thing. I really haven't ever known a time when church and god weren't a part of my life. See, my dad's a retired permanent deacon in the United Methodist Church. For most of my life he was a Diaconal Minister, which was a lay (read: non-ordained) position. But that got turned into the ordained position of permanent deacon. At any rate, I was pretty much always expected to be in church and to participate ~ Sunday school, youth choir, youth group, confirmation in 6th grade, etc. College... It got complicated. I didn't have a car. My friends with cars either went to the Baptist Church (ew!) or some charismatic place where they spoke in tongues (EW EW!!), so I was left to what was within walking distance. And that little United Methodist church...let's just say they were NOT taking advantage of their proximity to a college campus. I think at 18 I brought the average age down to maybe 75. So I did the campus SCA thing for a while, until I had a falling out with the chaplain and some of the student leaders. Then it was nothing for me except when I was home. After college, I went to the church where my dad was working mainly because I was singing in the choir because I liked singing and the director I've known since I was three. There was a young adult Sunday school class, but I started hating it as it turned into a couples-type class and everyone was making more money and could do more stuff than I could. I didn't want to join a country club; I wanted a place where I could belong and feel welcome though.

So eventually, Mom and Daddy and I talked about stuff and they said that short of me joining a cult (my sister narrowly escaped getting sucked into one), they were fine with me looking at other churches. I did remember getting up on Ash Wednesday and going to the Episcopal priest led service on my college campus early in the morning, and liking the rhythm, the pattern of the service. So I started looking there. Ended up at what was to become the cathedral of the diocese in which I was living and was confirmed in 1995. After that I started feeling like I was called to serve the church in some way, possible as a Christian Educator. That meant grad school, and likely seminary. I looked at a couple of schools and ended up in the one where I would be able to focus on Christian Ed as well as get a good grounding in the Episcopal Church. i got a job in a church where my first focus was with the youth. I loved that, and I hated it when I was forced to start working with other groups as well. So I looked for a position that was just youth. I found one and went there for a couple of years until they had budget issues, so I had to find something else. That led to a United Methodist church where things sort of fell apart.

I thought they were more liberal than they were, and it came to a head over sexual orientation. Basically my refusal to let the kids use "gay" as an insult. For numerous reasons. One of which at the time was not my own orientation, though in the time after I turned in my resignation and tried to discern what I was truly meant to do with my life, it became clear that that WAS in fact part of the issue for me. (Another story for another time.) But at the time I felt so hurt and betrayed by the church and by god that I didn't bother with church for a while.

I gradually found my way back, ending up in a church where the rector was a dormmate from my first year at seminary. My first day there, the sermon was exactly what I needed to hear at that time, and I fell in love with the place. And in a way with god all over again.

And then I moved.

And had to start the process of finding a home all over again. I tried out a few different churches before settling on one that had an evening service that was exactly what I was looking for ~ modern and ancient combined. But then the priest in charge of that service left and it went on hiatus. Then that hiatus became permanent. And the main service wasn't doing it for me. So I went looking again and ended up back at actually the first Episcopal Church I had visited in Manhattan so many years ago when I was looking at seminaries.

It's home...but getting it to that point hasn't been and still isn't easy. Just like I was writing about yesterday with friends, as you can see, I've been hurt by the institutional church. And in a way, that's felt like I've been hurt by god. I don't like using the term "dark night of the soul", but I've had my issues with god over some things. I still don't capitalize god ~ my own personal choice... And the god I'm getting to know doesn't seem to care about that. Still... I know when I haven't been for a while. Not just because I usually get an email or call from one of the clergy, but because I feel out of balance, out of whack... I can feel myself slipping into a funk.

And yeah, that scares me. But I think it scares me because it's so much a part of me. And that's scary too. To admit that I'm in a relationship. A relationship with god yes, but more directly with a church. A church that's made up of people, that's fallible, that can hurt me, can disappoint me. It's too easy to just leave before I'm left.

And that's why I made a plan to get up this morning. A commitment to myself to go as much as I can. To not fall into the "Christmas and Easter" thing. It's a conscious decision I'm making to be in this relationship. To take this chance.

But today was one of those days where it felt like I was getting signals, communication, signs from god. Every once in a while it happens. Not like a slap in the face, but not really a still, small voice either.

Today was the last day of our interim period. Next Sunday we will have a new rector. Today was the assistant to our interim rector's last day with us in this position. I haven't gotten to know him VERY well as I've been sporadic at best in my attendance, but the times we've had together have been good. I wish his sermon was already online, because I would love to put some of it in here to show you what I mean about this...

When he started, he was talking about friendship and relationship... And I swear it was like he'd found this blog and read it last night and knew it was me and was giving me an answer to that post. The quote from that song in Little Fish I have at the beginning of this one, he did not use, but it sums up what he was saying. I told him that after the service and the luncheon (yum!), and he laughed and said "The Spirit does sometimes do that doesn't she?" (I LOVE that my church unabashedly uses "she" for the pronoun for the holy spirit, and uses god as much as possible rather than he.) I'm really going to miss him a lot!! (And yes, he knows about me "giving up church for Lent" ~ it came up again when I was waiting to say godspeed and he was talking to someone else who asked if I was new. He joked that I'd confessed to him about it. I think it was a joke.)

But my day of WOW stuff didn't stop there. Oh no. I decided to go to the beach (one advantage of NYC is the beach is a subway ride away), so I had a nice subway ride in which to read. Well, I guess technically this started when I was leaving for church as I grabbed a book off my shelf that I've had for years and keep meaning to read. It's called Girl Meets God, and it's by Lauren F. Winner.

Not exactly identical to my story ~ I have never been Jewish ~ but there are some parallels there. Especially the on again, off again thing. And then I get to the part entitled "Lent". In that section, she talks about having coffee with her rector close to the beginning of Lent, and he told her he was challenging her to give up reading because reading was so important to her.

The only way to explain this is to quote the book...

"Reading, it seems to me, is something you really love. It may be the thing you love most. I would like you to give up reading for Lent.: ... "I think books would be a gift you could give Christ that would be really meaningful." ... I've begun to suspect that Miland didn't want me to give up reading just because it was the equivalent of some dearly loved green sundress, but because it might move me closer to Jesus. It might move me to my knees. (p. 124 and p. 129)

So now... I'm wondering if my "giving up church for Lent" wasn't really such a joke after all. Maybe it was what I needed to get me refocused and see what this parish, what this community means to me. And to help me reaffirm my wanting to be a real part of that family.

It just feels right to end this post the way I started it...

I never realized what I had to
fight for
And protect
The only way to live beyond
our lives
Is to connect
And carve ourselves into the souls
Of those we love...
(from "Revelations" from Little Fish by Michael John LaChiusa)

This weekend was fun. My family was in town and we saw three shows ~ two planned, one from the TKTS booth.

First up? Billy Elliot on Friday night.

Let me say first off that I loved this show in London. Even jetlagged, I was captivated by it. It had energy, it had passion...it had that x-factor. I was thrilled it was coming to Broadway, and couldn't wait to see it. As it happens, I wasn't able to until my family was in town. My parents (and I think sister) were familiar with the movie and very excited about it. Daddy had gotten the cast recording, and liked that.

Sadly, there was just a lack of energy that we all felt on Friday night. The kids came close to having some, but even they seemed to be struggling to maintain an energy level that wasn't there. Yes, there was a technical glitch in the first part of the show (sadly technical glitches are STILL not uncommon with this one from what I understand) and they had to stop for a few minutes, but even before that it didn't feel like there was a lot of any energy. David was the Billy we saw, and his dancing WAS spectacular ~ his voice, not so much sadly. But there was just some magical spark that seemed to be missing on Friday ~ at least as my family perceived it.

Granted, our concentration was not helped by the group of middle school (I'm assuming...possibly high school) students scatterred throughout the mezzanine. They chatted, they put feet ~ with or without flip flops on them! ~ on the back of the chairs, they sat in the wrong seats and argued with the usher. Some of them even laughed audibly after the first line in "Electricity" which really broke the mood for that song. So overall it just was NOT a good experience Friday night.

Saturday ~ In The Heights matinee via TKTS*.

This was my...5th time seeing the show, and my 1st since Lin-Manuel Miranda left his role of Usnavi. It was my dad's 2nd time and the 1st for my mom and sister. We had great seats ~ row Q in the orchestra. The Rodgers is a great theatre for the orchestra as the back part is stepped like a stadium! :) Love it!

The show is in fantastic shape. Javier Munoz, the new Usnavi, still incorporates some aspects of Lin's take on the character, but he's making it his own too. The rest of the cast was excellent as well. Definitely more energetic than the cast appeared in Billy Elliot the night before. Robin deJesus absolutely steals the show ~ he is amazing. There are some new ensemble members, and they fit in really well. Everyone loved it ~ well, in my family anyway.

Saturday night ~ next to normal

Ok, it is no secret that I adore this show. I was thrilled to death with the reviews ~ especially Ben Brantley's review in the Times! I read that one to Daddy as we were in the taxi to Manhattan. Still, I was really nervous to see how my family would react to it ~ especially as much as I've talked about it. There were at least 2 celebs in attendance ~ Kevin Bacon was in front of us for Act 1. Sadly he was apparently kind of harassed in the men's room during intermission and skipped Act 2. Hal Prince (director of such things as the original run of Sweeney Todd, Evita and Phantom of the Opera) was in the row behind us. just random tidbits.

I kept trying to get a read on my dad through Act 1 and wasn't able to. All fears were put to rest when intermission started. His reaction: "And what we saw last night is considered to be on the same level as this? There is no comparison. This is FAR superior." And he's not a huge musical aficionado as far as that goes. But he knows when he feels energy and electricity, and when he's feeling some passion or emotion towards a piece. Mom and Sis loved next to normal as well! (Incidentally, I snuck a glance back at Mr. Prince during curtain call, and he was visibly moved. So that can only be a spectacular thing!)

So it ended on a wonderful note, which was awesome!!!

* For those who don't know about TKTS (you say each letter, not as one word ~ I have heard a lot of people call it "tikutuss" or something like that), it's run by Theatre Development Fund. It is a booth ~ actually three booths in Times Square, the Seaport, and in downtown Brooklyn ~ where producers can release unsold seats to shows at 20%, 30%, 40% or 50% off for day-of performances. It's not always the best seats, though you can get, but sometimes you get really lucky ~ especially closer to the time of performance. Definitely worth checking out. They take cash, traveler's cheques, and plastic now. :)

Wow. Just. Wow.

So I'm kind of obsessed with this little show called next to normal (music by Tom Kitt, lyrics by Brian Yorkey, direction by Michael Greif). I've been following it for over a year since it was Off-Broadway at Second Stage Theatre in New York. It took a development detour through Arena Stage in DC, where it just won a Helen Hayes Award for Best Non-Resident Musical. And it opens tomorrow night on Broadway!!!!!

It's the story of what appears to be your average suburban family. Only...you quickly learn they're not so average. Mom has what may or may not be bipolar disorder, and whatever she has it's affecting everyone in various ways. To say a lot more would be to give away too much.

Alice Ripley (best known for Side Show) plays Diana, the wife and mother. She is heart wrenching in this performance every single time she gives it. There is no halfway with her, it's all or nothing. I'm not a fan of the word in this context, but saying she's fierce really does apply here. She just won a Helen Hayes Award for Lead Actress in a Non-Resident Production for this role in DC. Prayers are definitely going up to the Tony gods!

J Robert Spencer (of Jersey Boys fame) plays Dan, the husband and father. At Second Stage, the role was played by Brian d'Arcy James, who is now appearing in Shrek the Musical. I know I've read a lot of people who prefer Brian to Bobby...and yes, I adored Brian's performance at Second Stage. But from the moment I saw Bobby in the role at Arena, I was hooked. There's just something Bobby brings to the performance...a human quality that for me was just slightly lacking in Brian's. Maybe it's the way the character's story has been re-arced so to speak, but I cannot imagine anyone but Bobby in this role now. He and Alice have great chemistry, and it's fun to see little things they do here and there in various performances. They really make Dan and Diana a believable couple.

Aaron Tveit plays Gabe, Dan and Diana's son. He's everything a parent could want in a child ~ good looking, compassionate, smart, etc., etc. The every child hero, you know? And at least in Mom's eyes, he can do no wrong. Aaron is AMAZING in this role ~ bounding all over the stage with an agility that I haven't seen anyone else have. His voice isn't bad either. It's fantastic. He also just won a Helen Hayes Award for Featured Performer in a Non-Resident Production for this role.

Jennifer Damiano moves from the ensemble for Spring Awakening into her own in the role of Natalie, Dan and Diana's daughter. She's brilliant and talented, but overshadowed by her older brother, especially in her mother's eyes. She's just trying to hang on. Jennifer takes what could be an average angsty teen role and makes Natalie completely lovable even as she's trying not to fall apart.

Adam Chanler-Berat plays Henry, her boyfriend. He is charming and adorable and fantastic in the part. Louis Hobson plays both of Diana's doctors and shines in these roles that could easily be throw-away in another treatment.

next to normal is not a show with easy answers about anything. It's not completely anti-medication, but it's not exactly pro-medication. It's not completely pro-psychotherapy, but it's not exactly anti-psychotherapy. Things aren't necessarily all tied up in a nice neat little bow. But it's compelling, heart warming as well as heart wrenching, and emotionally honest with arguably the best original score to be heard on Broadway in YEARS. You don't see that a lot in these days of movie-to-musical cookie cutter shows.

Take a chance on this little musical. I don't think you'll regret it!

I give it 4 out of 4 stars.

So welcome to my journal. :)

Expect to read ramblings on books, movies, theatre (lots of theatre), music, and life in general. And apparently faith as well. I'm not writing that to argue or try to convert. Writing helps me puzzle things out, so that's what it's for.

Comment, don't. Either way.

Enjoy!